When your kid is extraordinary it’s often not something you can see, it’s more of an invisible difference. If a child has a disability like being deaf or blind, the difference can be seen in the way he or she moves, talks, or interacts. However, if your child has been diagnosed Neurodiverse; ADHD, HFA (high functioning autism/Asperger’s), Gifted or with Learning Disabilities like Dyslexia or Dysgraphia, then it’s most likely something you cannot see.
Does this sound familiar?
“I don’t care if he has Asperger’s/HFA, he needs to learn he can’t just say what he’s thinking!”
“ADHD is no excuse, she needs to pay attention.”
“You need to be more consistent. You should make a chart with rewards and punishments.”
“My kids ate what I put in front of them or they didn’t eat at all.”
“You shouldn’t let her do anything until all of her home work is done. If she complains or has a fit, then take away devices until it’s done.”
“He needs to do as he’s told, you just don’t command enough respect.”
“Reward the good behavior, punish the bad.”
It would be surprising if you’d never heard these things because they are very typical of parenting advice given by both other parents and by professionals.
To some extent, they are correct… IF you have a child/teen who is completely Neuro Typical (NT), meaning a kid with no developmental delays at all.
Fools do rush in, but will it get you what you want?
Will it create effective understanding and change?
There is a grey area. You know, that place where we are strong, assertive advocates for our kids, not aggressive, angry and threatening.
The quote “Fools rush in where angels fear to tread” is a great idiom, which means that the foolish or angry tend to do things that more sensible people stay away from because the angry do not usually understand how the bigger picture will be affected.
As a Mama Bear myself I am cautioning you about rushing in when you are angry, not because I think Mama Bears are foolish, but because we are game changers.
Hey, I get it.
Your kid is struggling.
Maybe it’s behavior, maybe it’s anxiety… maybe it’s a really bad attitude.
For those of us who have kids who are neurologically outside the box (extraordinary), be it anxiety, ADHD, OCD’s, or autism, we know it can be incredibly stressful to live with a child who may express everything from defiance to severe behavior, or even extreme isolation or self-harm.
Does your daughter have tantrums? Do those tantrums seem to be more than a tantrum? We call that a meltdown.
How about friends? Does she seem to struggle with friendships? Maybe she claims she would rather be alone?
If your child cannot pull herself together, or is maddeningly defiant, or can’t move on to the next thing (get ready for school, do homework, put down the tablet), or she chronically struggles with her relationships with others, then maybe there is more to the story.
Hi! I’m Yvette Marie a Thought Wrangler (an intellectual nomad looking for understanding and hope in all things). I created this blog space because I believe Flexibility and Flow in Neurodiversity is not only possible, but necessary for living a full life of health and wellness.